Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
