Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
