I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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