i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
