With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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