so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
worst night to have a conscience
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
