how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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