i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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