She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize