one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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