The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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