evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
