walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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