If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
