I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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