Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize