life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just invented taco cereal.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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