Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
