thus making me awesome and them whores
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
