you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
