3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
