Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize