I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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