I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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