I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
