I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
pop tarts are not kleenex
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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