Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
