i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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