"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
