Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we have pet lesbian snakes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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