yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
