Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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