her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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