Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
