nut hugger
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
