I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
