how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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