Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
