Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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