no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
