im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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