i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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