i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
