i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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