I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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