I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
