how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
