I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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