Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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