His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
