i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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