The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
