oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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