found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
