Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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