I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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