its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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