i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
