kristin has been a bad kristin
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
