Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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