dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can you bring me the toilet please
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
