tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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