Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
