Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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