Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're my little dorito
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
third nipple confirmed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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