So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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