im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They took my balls.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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