Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
