Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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