So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
