she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
