john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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