I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
