"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
