It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize