Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
