$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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