I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
