Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
