It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
