Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
