i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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