We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
