your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
